Trade Deadline: Super Deluxe

    Well kids, the NBA trade deadline has come and gone, and again fans across the league are either celebrating their booty and/or mourning their losses.

    OH GOD! The Rockets got Bobby Jackson for Bonzi Wells and Mike James! Big trade!

    Ric Bucher says that Ron Artest is going to get traded to the Milwaukee Brewers for that giant Chorizo!

    As we all clamor and breathe for our chance to play General Manager, and to wear out that ESPN Trade Machine, nearly every February most of the speculative trade talk is met with, well, disappointment.

    It is this swell of conjecture and postulation that makes me absolutely insane.

    The only thing in this world that is acceptable to blindly muse about is Lost. And even then you have no god damn idea what you are talking about.

    I flood this website’s Shoutbox with tongue in cheek trade ideas to see what folks have to say. Last night I eagerly announced “The Pacers are trading Rik Smits to Phoenix for Wayman Tisdale!”

    The response I got from trade talk-slaphappy fans: “I’ve never heard of those guys” or “It’s just two benchwarmers swapping squads”. Truth is, the Dunkin’ Dutchman hasn’t worn the Blue and Yellow uniform since 2000 and Wayman Tisdale is now a Jazz musician.

    I got to thinking, what if the NBA Trade Deadline applied to the rest of the universe. What if I could make crackpot trade propositions! What kind of bizarre and irreverent ideas could I come up with!? How would I break these deals down?

    The Deadline Deals

    General Mills trades Boo Berry to Kellogg’s for Frosted Flakes:

    A real blockbuster, I know.

    Kellogg’s severs ties with their sugary version of Corn Flakes, and in return acquire one of breakfast’s spookiest cereals.

    This deal might hurt the Mills’ “Sinister Cereal” big three, but just imagine a big heaping bowl of Count Chocula, FrankenBerry and Frosted Flakes teaming up for a morning run.

    That’s a breakfast fit for a champion!

    Apple trades Cover Flow to Microsoft for Minesweeper:

    In 2006, Apple debuted Cover Flow with iTunes, the most useless way to view your album covers. In 2007, they integrated it into OS X Leopard. It even found a way onto my iPod!

    Guess how many times I have used it?

    ZERO!

    Now Minesweeper on the other hand, I could conceivably waste hours playing the Window’s classic.

    I trade any pen I am handed for a pencil:

    I do not like pens. Period.

    They are smudgy.

    They are not conducive to my positive penmanship.

    Pencils however are my go to utensil. They have a delete key and my handwriting looks a million times better when written in graphite glory.

    The Laker radio broadcast trades Spero Dedes and Mychal Thompson to the Laker television broadcast for Joel Myers and the rights to Jack Haley:

    Spero and Mychal will join Stu on the perch, while that Wino, Joel Myers goes the AM airwaves.

    I think Mychal would thrive in the “three man” commentary setting, occasionally chiming in with a pun about Sasha (“That jumper by Sasha was VujaSICK!”), while Spero flawlessly calls the play-by-play and Stu sticks to his general You-do-what-you-do-and-you-do-it-so-well thing.

    On the radio side of things, Joel is bought out and Jack Haley, who was included in the vein of Aaron McKie and Keith Van Horn, joins in name only.

    With Myers and Haley out of the picture, the Lakers return to the days of the simulcast.

    I can hear Stu’s voice now “…on the Lakers basketball network.” As you can tell, I’ve thought this one out long and hard.

    The Democratic Party trades Hillary Clinton to the GOP for Mike Huckabee:

    I like this for both sides. It assures the nomination for Barack Obama, and it makes me feel better about liking Mike Huckabee.

    Huckabee is no longer the bane of the Republican’s existence and Hillary going to the GOP is like Johnny Damon joining the Yankees. She loses her identity and fades into oblivion. It just makes sense.

    Although the likelihood of any of these brilliant deals coming to fruition is remote at best, I still think it’s a hell of a lot better than talking about Caron for Lamar.

    • http://wtf.com jt

      har har?

    • awesomerob24

      haha

    • xtro

      Cavs got Ben Wallace and Wally World. Look out Boston!!

    • kelvlam

      even Cavs got Big Ben, i still don’t think they are any close with the 3-troopers in Celtics, not to add they have #4 man posey

    • LakersFirst

      [Comment ID #27051 Will Be Quoted Here]

      Dumb trade for the Cavs – they really wanted Big Ben’s contract!!! Is Danny Ferry high???

    • http://JHlaker JHlaker

      this was a trade to make l-james llok like the cavs care. They don’t i don’t car about this trade and if helps theme beat the celtics great but it dsen’t matter the Lakers will kill the cavs, Is it just me or does it sem lik very team after the lakers trade need to make in impact or a statement. we still got the best trade.

    • ab4sure

      Wow…. the “OBAMA CULT” is here on Lakernation… Anyone fainting here???

    • Shaq786

      cavs came up BIGGG… they got joe smith, delonte west, ben wallace, and wally szerbiak… gibson/wally/lebron/joe/wallace… thats a really good team

      and all they had to give up was drew gooden, a washed up “could have been good” sg, and JUNKKKKKKKK

    • e

      hey man, i like obama…and as for the cavs…the trade is potentially harmful for them, i could see ben wallace getting at it with lebron if things dont work out…wallace is aging and i doubt he’ll make too much of an impact anymore…and for the record f*** lebron james

    • Phant0M

      In all honesty

      I liked the pic,
      didn’t like the article..

      a lot of fluff

    • ryguy2303

      [Comment ID #27047 Will Be Quoted Here]

      [Comment ID #27071 Will Be Quoted Here]

      What happened to good articles?

    • kingkb24

      i think cavs got a pretty good deal cuz they got wally and they need a shooter.. they got a so so point gaurd which they need and jo smith who is a definite plus

    • MILO

      Everybody is desperate trying to counter the Lakers acquisition of Gasol.And oh boy! they are making some huge mistakes…ha ha ha

    • kb24

      What is with the article? Confusing.

    • http://myspace.com/nugge7 The Nugget

      It’s satire, folks. Read between the lines. :D

    • MILO

      I found it to be a sarcastic way of comparing trades in all sords of diferent fields.NONE THE LESS I FOUND IT FUNY…

    • http://myspace.com/nugge7 The Nugget

      [Comment ID #27088 Will Be Quoted Here]

      Good to know somebody gets it. ;)

    • lakers4lyfe

      hahahahahaa….i dont get the article because i didnt really read it. but the reaction to the article is funny as hell. hhhaahahah

    • BryantBynum

      that was very very funny. especially the lakers broadcasters trade.

    • varsityoptimism

      [Comment ID #27078 Will Be Quoted Here]

      im not serious. its satrie.

    • Phant0M

      I guess i forgot to put a smile.

      Kind of a double-sarcastic type thing i was aiming for :(

      o well :D

    • ignard

      I actually think the Cavs can beat the Celtics now.

    • Phant0M

      I don’t

    • ryguy2303

      [Comment ID #27096 Will Be Quoted Here]

      I asked what happened to the good articles. I’m aware he attempted to make a satire out of it.

    • Phant0M

      Did u guys read my last post, before ignard?.

    • varsityoptimism

      everyone should leave their non-sports trade ideas! the NBA deadline may have passed but the rest of the universe is open for a wheelin and a dealin!

    • Alvin

      As much as I love my fellow Laker fans, this article isn’t very good. I understand that it is satire and not to be taken seriously. I don’t see how difficult that is to understand by the content, but it’s not very clever and the attempt at humor just does nothing for me.

      I don’t love it.

    • DingleBerry

      varsityoptimism, Are you on dope??

    • varsityoptimism

      [Comment ID #27167 Will Be Quoted Here]

      no dope, im just tired of people who think trade talk is awesome and think they have a clue about what is going on. everyone is taking this article SO seriously, its a joke, a big effin joke. sorry im not all serious like avery.
      i know nothing. im not paid by the lakers.
      i just have opinions and ridiculously silly ideas and i get to share them on this website! so im sorry to anyone i offended with my off the cuff absurdity.
      listen to petros and money.

    • ab4sure

      Varsity,

      When u get feedback don’t forget to consider the source. You will always offend someone. The guy who walked on water offended alot of people in his day and look what happened to him.

      Thank God the trade deadline is over. Perhaps we could put a moratorium on all trades until the season is over. My trade … Obama for a good steak…. I buy the steak not sizzle…

    • varsity optimism rules

      you guys are all CRAZY. this article is completely hilarious. varsity optimism’s outlook on the ridiculousness of trades is pure written genius. GOOD JOB VARSITY! can’t wait for the next one

    • varsityoptimism

      [Comment ID #27178 Will Be Quoted Here]

      hahhaha, cute.