Lakers Need A Stunt Double To Salvage Season

Photo Credit: Harry How/Getty Images

Photo Credit: Harry How/Getty Images

In Hollywood, every great actor or actress can attribute their athletic prowess, reckless abandon, and fear no evil attitudes portrayed in their films to one simple thing. No, it’s not mind altering drugs, but rather a stunt man (or in some cases a stunt woman). Those individuals are willing to throw themselves into the scripted and rehearsed harms way. They pull off the death defying leaps from buildings, burning cars, or bare it all in the love scenes. These highly paid and highly skilled individuals do these things all for the sake of making the film more exciting, and the actors or actresses, more heroic or sexy. Sometimes it can make the difference in a movie being a box office blockbuster, or a colossal bust.

You may be asking yourselves, what in the world does this have to do with the Lakers? I am so glad you asked! This current season for the Lakers has become unbearable to watch at times. The back and forth bantering around the same old repetitive questions is getting stale. Questions like: Can they turn things around? Can they make the playoffs? Can they play defense? Do they have a deep enough bench? Do they have any heart? Do they have the right coach? On and on it goes. Enough already! It is time to face reality. This team is not playing very good, or maybe, just maybe… isn’t that good at all.

I have seen enough Lakers games this year to make the following assessments. They won’t turn things around, but they will squeeze into the playoffs as a very low seed (if they get in at all). The Lakers defense, shouldn’t even be called defense. It should be called I’m too tired or lazy to guard you, so go ahead and score an easy layup. A deep enough bench? Please! A heart? You might have to wait until Valentines Day to see one of those. And it will come from Hallmark, not the Lakers. The right coach is only the right coach if a team wins. I don’t care if the coach is Walt Disney, or Walt Frazier. If you aren’t winning, you don’t have the right coach. If you are winning, you have the right coach until you start losing.

It’s time to call in the stunt people. It’s time to put an end to this disaster film & turn it into something of epic proportion. Something classic, like Old Yeller or Hoosiers. And so, without further delay. I give you the stuntmen. Let’s roll the credits.

Kobe Bryant – played by himself  (Let’s not kid ourselves)

Dwight Howard – played by Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Bill Russell, Hakeem Olajuwan, & Clark Kent. Afterall, when we got him in the trade, we were told he was that good weren’t we?

Pau Gasol – played by little brother Marc Gasol. Bet you wish you had him back don’t you? Or did you forget he was a Laker for like 30 seconds?

Metta World Peace – played by Charles Atlas. He was muscular, good looking, great defender, specialized in rebounding beach babes. Oh and he scored too….

Steve Nash – played by Joe Pesci. Who else would you want assisting you to the hole? He did it in Casino and Good Fellas, he can do it in Los Angeles too.

The bench players were played by The Lion, The Scarecrow, & The Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. Courage, a brain, and a heart. Now that’s what I am talking about.

Now that we have flipped the script so to speak, I think this movie might have a better ending than the one we have been watching.

I have been a die hard fan of the purple and gold for many years. I am pleased to be a part of Laker Nation, & I hope my contributions are both insightful, & humorous. I am looking forward to seeing another championship banner hanging from the rafters at Staples after this season.