Laker Nation

Section 316 is a weekly essay series by TheLakersNation.com Writer Andrew Rafner. Andrew will explore a theme relating to the deeper world of Lakers basketball. This week’s essay…

The Anti-Hero

I have had this real big issue recently with the recent Watchmen motion picture, specifically with the way the character Rorschach has been portrayed. I am a big fan of the Graphic Novel, and in that tome it is painfully obvious to any reader that the vigilante absolutism and pessimism that resides at the core of the masked and trenchcoated anti-hero is truly vile and wicked yet inextricably missing from the film.

Puzzlingly, most of the conversations I have heard while exiting the theater seem to center around how freaking cool and badass Rorschach is.

The thing is, you aren’t supposed to think Rorschach is a “cool guy”.

He is a slob, a homophobe and most importantly he shows the utmost contempt for humankind on the whole, refusing to believe in the ultimate good in people, preferring a “we’re already damned” ethos. It is what they left out that causes people to pile out of movie theaters and glorify this monster.

Ever since Andrew Bynum went down in January against Memphis (again), I have been faced with this horrible realization: I like the Lakers better without Andrew Bynum in every way possible. This epiphany has led me to ask myself if that means I don’t like Andrew Bynum?

Have I been fooled like so many moviegoers (comic-ignorers) have been fooled by the film adaptation of Rorschach?

Now, I am DEFINITELY not saying that Andrew Bynum is in any way, shape or form like Rorschach, I am simply using it as an example for being tricked by the portrayal of a supposed hero, but is the guy I once thought was so cool, so relatable, so kickass, just a sleazeball punk?

Do I not like Andrew Bynum?

Sadly, the answer has become yes.

I do not like his sluggishness. I do not like his inappropriate 12-foot jumpshot. I do not like his minifro. I do not like his ten cars. I do not like him makin’ it rain on his birthday. I do not like his Lamar Odom 2004 baby blue throwback jersey on KCAL 9. I DO NOT LIKE ANDREW BYNUM.

And the saddest part is that I once was the head of the Andrew Bynum fan club. I had this master theory that Andrew and I were one chance meeting away from being besties. He seemed so vulnerable and so pure. He seemed human. But now, when I see him say he enjoys being injured because it gives him “time to be a fan” I just cringe.

In his absence, I have found such a renewed joy in the game of Lamar Odom, I have learned the idiosyncrasies of Josh Powell’s propensity to find a way to contend for every rebound (more than can be said for Andrew) and I have found the beauty in the subtle ballet that is Congo Cash.

And in all this time, all these games, not ONCE have I thought, “You know, I really miss Andrew.” Or “Just wait until Andrew comes back!”

It seems as if all those affectations have dissipated, whence they were once the de rigueur explanation for the reason the Lakers lost the 2008 Finals. The Lakers are better without Andrew Bynum and everybody knows it, they just aren’t ready to say it yet. But I am.

Now, we should all know the truth: Andrew Bynum is useless. He is but dead weight. Save the money and unclog the lane. Ship his ass out.

When, and if, Andrew Bynum does return to the Laker lineup, I will not cheer for him, I will sit on my hands and quietly wish for someone more deserving of the uniform. And on this, I will not compromise.