Out of Bounds with Jason Riley

When I say Clippers, you think…

And you should feel absolutely no shame for laughing. Earlier this week, I read this story and my heart leapt with excitement. I have watched NBA basketball my entire life. My first memories are at the Forum with my Dad watching the Showtime Lakers of the 80’s. I was in High School during Jordan’s 3-peat farewell tour. I’ve missed about a dozen Lakers’ games since Kobe Bryant first pulled an NBA jersey over his head. You watch basketball in hopes of beholding greatness.

M.J. against the Jazz.

Kobe against the Raptors.

Baron against the Mavericks.

Those are moments that I’ll never forget, and they rightfully belong on my short list of great NBA highlights. However, to help you understand the magnitude of the Clippers possibly hiring Isaiah Thomas, let’s just say that his employment alone will immediately move into one of the greatest basketball moments of my life.

Just think of the never-ending possibilities for incompetence:

To start, you have the worst owner in professional sports in Donald Sterling. Then, you pair him up with Isaiah Thomas, easily the most inept GM in the history of the NBA. Don’t forget that you still have the worst coach in the league, Mike Dunleavy, calling the shots from the bench. Lastly, you group them all together to work for the Los Angeles Clippers, the laughing stock of professional basketball.

Pure genius.

This is an absolute gold mine for the NBA. There’s no way that David Stern doesn’t have something to do with this. Hell, I would watch every single minute of next years’ Clippers. I’d even consider dropping the whopping $100 I’m sure I’d have to pay for season tickets. The thought of the Clippers with Isaiah Thomas has me so excited that I can’t help but write about it. There are so many opportunities for idiocy that it’s literally overwhelming.

What are the odds of seeing the first 0-82 NBA season? How about the first shutout in professional basketball? Will Vegas set an over/under on sexual harassment law suits filed? Will Isaiah buy out and release Eric Gordon before, or after, the All-Star break? Maybe sign Latrell Sprewell to an 8-year, max deal? Will he run a promotion for a lucky fan to start at point guard for a game? Will the Clippers file for bankruptcy by January? It’s not impossible that the Clippers bus driver could get lost and cause the team to miss an entire game. With the addition of Isaiah, there is no basement for the 2009-2010 Los Angeles Clippers.

As Lakers fans, we have to root for this to happen in our city. Imagine having a defending champion Lakers’ team playing in the same building as the worst team in the history of organized sports. In a single day, we could experience historical basketball on both ends of the spectrum. Why are more people not getting excited about this possibility?

How much would you pay to go see an 0-81 Clippers team play their final game?

How loud would you be chanting defense for a Clippers’ opponent leading 87-0 with 3 minutes to go?

Would you not TIVO a Clippers game if a random contest winner was starting at point guard?

Hiring Isaiah Thomas is the smartest economical move the Los Angeles Clippers could ever make. Nobody really cares to watch bad basketball. … But historically bad basketball? Now that’s something I could get into.

Let’s just hope Sterling is smart enough to be historically stupid.

Jason Riley is a columnist for the Lakers Nation. In addition to this column, he writes on an array of topics that you can check out by visiting J-Ri.com. You can email him by clicking here, or look him up on Facebook.

  • kwame4mvp

    oh sh!t. that was pretty funny.. i LOLed a couple times.

  • http://www.visionofthefans.com Chris Manning


    Man that was great…

  • Babak

    Kinda funny,, but whats up with the Lakers Nations of late… a little too dramatic.. first Andrew and now Riley.. kinda crazy..

  • Sako

    Wow. Anybody watch Leno on April Fools Day, he was showing LA Times headlines, cover story “Clippers Win A Game”

  • Nelson

    This article is just being sarcastic, not dramatic.

  • imfasterthanur

    I agree, it reminds me of the Detroit Lions final games of the 2008-2009 regular season. On the verge of going 0-16, I actually caught a few of there games. It’s a such paradox that something bad could be so good. Are the Clippers next?

    Kudos, you write very well.

  • JB

    Mike Dunleavy isn’t the worst coach, he’s just on the worst team. Dunleavy coached the Lakers to the Finals in 1991 and the Blazers in 2000 WCF. He was also coach of the year in the “asterisk” season (1999).

  • http://www.visionofthefans.com Chris Manning

    [Comment ID #66908 Will Be Quoted Here]
    We lost in ’91.

    He blew a 15 4th quarter lead in 2000.

    And he has ALL the pieces, if you think the Clippers are as bad as their record shows, think again imo. I think they need a new coach asap.

  • udechukwu

    everyones said and i’ll say it again.


    there are no clippers greats hanging in the rafters cuz they havent had any. Also it just feels dumb watching the lakers wear away jerseys on their own court.

  • Sean All Ivy

    Hilarious article.

  • Paul

    [Comment ID #66911 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Srsly though. They have some great players but I didn’t really think it was the coach, maybe it is.

    But man, I don’t want the Clippers to be this bad.. remember a couple of years ago when the Clippers went past the first round and the Lakers needed just one more game against the Suns to have a “Hallway series” in the Staples Center? Dude that would have been AWESOME.

  • Jason Riley

    Babak – Sorry for the drama card overload. Blame it on all those ‘where amazing happens’ commercials. :)

    JB – True, it’s arguable. He hasn’t always been the worst coach, I just think he’s evolved into it. If I have to win one game, I’d want to be playing against a Mike Dunleavy team.

  • Sako

    [Comment ID #66911 Will Be Quoted Here]

    *16 point lead

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