Out of Bounds with Jason Riley

I’ve got to be honest with you guys, the regular season is starting to bore me. Am I alone on this one? I’d imagine I feel a lot like Jack Black does while he’s eating dinner. Regular food just doesn’t taste as good when you know the desert is coming out next. I mean, nothing washes down a platter of ribs like a pound of cake, right Jack?

Here’s what we know about the Lakers:

  • They won the West by a landslide.
  • They blew their chance at home-court throughout by losing to Philly and Atlanta.
  • They really could care less about the remaining nine games on their schedule.

Of course, they’d never say that, but we all know actions speak far louder than words. I could spend this article writing and re-writing the same things you’ve been reading and re-reading, but where’s the fun in that? If I wanted to be repetitive, I could always take a job writing for the CW.

Instead, let’s build from what we talked about in last weeks’ OOB: Emotional Lakers Fans.

A few years ago, my roommate Wade (Ironically a huge Miami Heat fan), slipped a box of Boca Chicken Patties in the freezer. One lonely night, for some unexplainable reason, I decided to eat one, fully assuming that I would instantaneously find myself in the Mary-Kate Olsen position by the toilet. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I started eating those chicken patties like they would magically turn into abs. I’d eat a chicken burger, a double-chicken burger, a salad with chicken; any food inclusive of a soy chicken patty was amazing.

I mean, who knew that soy protein actually increases estrogen levels in the human body? Surely not I. Of course, that explained Gossip Girl and an increased number of hair products, but what about all the emotional outbursts during Lakers games? What is it about sports, or more specifically the Lakers, that can turn a grown man into a clingy, overly-emotional chick?

Let’s explore.

Every regular season, we spend about 250 hours watching the Lakers. If you want to include the playoffs, the time spent reading articles (like this one) and watching highlights, you’re probably up to around 375 hours of life invested into pure Lakers basketball.

That’s the equivalent of just over nine regular work weeks. Imagine putting nine weeks worth of time into something at work, only to see it blow up like that one girl you used to date in Jr. High. Simply put, the more time invested, the more sway it has on our emotions. When the Lakers win, we win, because our small time investment paid off. When the Lakers lose, we lose, because our small time investment seems wasted.

Makes sense, right?

It explains why life suddenly stops when Bynum is holding his knee on the floor; and why we have a sense of hope when we hear his return is close.

It explains why we’ll be disappointed when Lebron James hoists his first MVP trophy; and why we’ll feel redeemed when Kobe Bryant hoists his first Finals MVP trophy.

Lastly, it explains why last years’ Finals loss to the Celtics still stings; and why this years’ championship celebration will make us forget it all.

Jason Riley is a columnist for the Lakers Nation. In addition to this column, he writes on an array of topics that you can check out by visiting J-Ri.com. You can email him by clicking here, or look him up on Facebook.

  • PAUL PIERCE IS THE GREATEST

    THE FAKERS SUCK!!!!

    BYNUM WON”T DO SHIEETTT WHEN AND IF HE COMES BACK!

    HE IS TOO OVERATTED! AND YOU PAY HIM MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO PARTY IT UP AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION?????? WOW. HOW PATHETIC!

    YOU SHOULD ALL JUST LEAVE IT TO THE SPURS IN THE FINALS!!!! THE FAKERS WON’T BE ABLE TO DO SHIEETTT! HAHAHA

    PAUL PIERCE AND THE CELTICS ARE THE GREATEST TO EVER PLAY!!!!!

    CELTICS 4 LIFE!!!

    FAKERS SUCKKKK!

  • diehardfan

    All I can say is that I can relate to everything mentioned in regardso the emotions and experiences involved with being a Laker fan. It is downright brutal. I have known and seen grown men reduced to tears at the frustration of last year’s finals and Bynum’s injury. Seeing and thinking and realizing that Bynum will back in time to play in the post-season is HUGE! The Lakers are better than last year and having Bynum at even 50% is better than not at all. So based on that the Lakers are in a better position than last year. This post indicated that or pointed to the boredom involved with the Lakers remaining games considering that the Lakers have clinched the Western Conf. But, it wont be boring when and if Bynum comes back before the playoffs. I to cannot wait for the post-season but every game and every win or loss proves something and I watch every game because I do not want to miss any piece of purple and gold clip that might boost might confidence even more that this team is going to win the title this year. I love the Lakers and they will prove me right this year. They will win the title and Kobe will win the Finals MVP trophy. So LBJ could have the MVP trophy for the REGULAR SEASON!

  • banuelos_714

    [Comment ID #66260 Will Be Quoted Here]

    a celtics fan reading articles about the lakers how ironic

    have fun making it out of the east cuz it be a lot harder than last years

    see you guys on the parade rout in june =)

    LAKERS 09 CHAMPS

  • lakers 24/7

    That was a great article. I’m sure I’m not the only one who completely empathizes with everything said about us fans.

  • AllthewayLA