Special thanks to John ‘Fatty’ Fatland for writing this take and giving us the privilege to add it to TheLakersNation.com. Again, if you guys see anything Lakers related that you think deserves to be put up, just e-mail us at articles@TheLakersNation.com.
Team USA plays in Las Vegas for the Olympic Qualifier. The cold hard facts of our mission are quite simple. Team USA MUST win or were not going to the Olympics in Beijing.
In Athens, our team of “Super Heroes” let us down. Led by Wade, Lebron, and A.I., we were completely embarrassed . “Super Heroes” became “Super Duds”. To some, they even became “Super Villains”, when they refused to watch our women play for the Gold. Anyway you look at it, our comic book guys were a joke, as the World’s Teams Smacked! Powed! and Clobbered! them.
Who can save us from disaster? Is there anyone that can save the day? Who can defeat the Evil American Foes of Basketball and rightfully restore the dignity we deserve in winning the Gold? Why, it’s none other than “Super Kobe” and his sidekick “Jason the Kidd!” Add this “Dynamic Duo” to our already assembled “NBA League of Extraordinary Unordinary Allstars” and this team will dazzle, twirl, spin, jump and soar to new heights.
When foes try to stop “Super Kobe” with a 12 on 1 scheme, Kobe will “dish for a swish” to “Big Redd” and “Mighty Miller”. Three’s will rain from the sky until “our inferior foe will beg for no more.” Kobe will pass to Jason the Kidd who will use his “inviso machine” to sneak the pass to “Atomic Amare” and “Howard the Hunk” to “Thunder Slam” it home. And if that is not enough, “King Kong James” will pulverize and crush any remaining pieces of what is left. “Me King, me step on foes like ants.”
Just try and score against our guys. I dare you to. If some how, somebody can even get by our “rubberized stretching stealing hands” our “Wall of Decision” (So named because our opponents have to decide either to shoot and watch the ball sent back flying to the outer reaches of the Universe, or get on there knees and beg for mercy) will end any hope they ever had of scoring.
This team is that good.
In case you haven’t noticed. There is more at stake than just a game for Team USA. Our pride, our dignity, our way of life is being challenged. (OK, a bit of a stretch) But these games are very important. The world of mere basketball mortals thinks they are now better than us. The games are on center stage to the Basketball World. And that puts Kobe on the center pedestal to the known universe.
Kobe’s foes are salivating and praying for Kobe to prove them right. “Kobe Haters” want the world to see just how selfish he his. Super Villain Kobe, in all his glory will amaze, but lead this team to defeat. And they will be gleeful if TEAM USA loses.
“Kobe Lover’s” won’t even care who wins or loses. They will just enjoy the moment like a July 4th fireworks show. The more Kobe, the better.
“Kobe Appreciates” will marvel at this “Super Hero,” to see just how good this guy really can be, finally seeing for the first time, what he can do, when surrounded by quality players. And wishing and praying for some of this talent to come the Laker’s way.
Kobe knows the moment. He is preparing. Will he rise like all true Super Heroes do and seize the day? Where do you put Kobe? A Super Villain or a Super Hero?
Mark your calendars. August 22 it begins…