Special thanks to John ‘Fatty’ Fatland for writing this take and giving us the privilege to add it to TheLakersNation.com. Again, if you guys see anything Lakers related that you think deserves to be put up, just e-mail us at articles@TheLakersNation.com.

20 more refeeres have gambling problems. Can you believe it?

Stern and the NBA so want this to go away. And now 20 refeeres involved in “gasp” gambling. Will Stern keep his word and fire the crooked, corrupt, and greedy manipulators of the NBA basketball court?

And if he does, where will they find the replacements? That’s a full 1/3 of the reffing corp. I propose he fire all NBA Refs, and start over with an entirely new system.

I suggest the honor system.

Before you belittle my proposal as silly, remember this is the same way its called on playgrounds and gyms throughout the world. Its tried and proven and has worked for years. And only a few people have been killed using this method over what, 70-80 years.

It works this way.

All players who think they committed a foul will raise there hand and say, “My Foul!”

If a player thinks he was fouled, he yells, “You fouled me!”

If no players agree, they both stare at each other, yelling “You fouled me!” “No I didn’t!” “Yes you did!” “No I didn’t, you turkey, I didn’t touch you!” “Then how did I get this cut?”

At this point, a Jerry Springer like guy with a microphone comes onto the court, moderating the exchange and encouraging the crowd to get involved. The crowd decides who is right. The NBA can use this new system to even make more money. Fans watching on TV can call a number and vote for there guy, let’s say for .95 a vote. “Was Kobe fouled? Press 1 for Yes or 2 for No.”

Flagrant fouls will be handled in a similar way, except pre-chosen fans, by ticket drawing, will be allowed to throw chairs onto the floor.

Fights will be allowed between players. Except they will be resolved at center court with all the lights turned off except for appropriate spot lights. This will happen as halftime entertainment.

Violations such as traveling, palming, double dribble, in bound time lapses, etc… will not be called. (The NBA doesn’t call them anyway) So no one will care.

I propose jump balls to be handled in one of two ways. Both players struggle to rip the ball away from each other. A real test of macho strength, (none of this sissy stuff, “Oh, we both touched the ball, so let’s toss it up.”) With the winning player slamming the ball to the ground (like a NFL touchdown demonstration) and yelling “Take that, you sucker!” Or my personal favorite. Refs have no idea how to toss a ball up. The solution, oh this is good. Place the ball on the ground at center court. All the players stand behind the circle center line and when the PA Announcer says Go, they all dive for the ball. Tell me that’s not more fair than the crap they give us now. At least it will be more exciting.

The other solution would be the “Chick Hearn” way. No fouls called at all. “No harm, no foul, no blood, no guts, no death, THEN NO FOUL!!”. He always wanted a free flowing, fast paced game. And free throws slowed it down. That would accomplish that for sure, but we might not have any players left by the end of the game.

Basketball purists will scoff at my idea. But what do they know? Look at the system we have now. Refs decide the outcome, little guys in Zebra costumes who can’t even throw the ball up straight, but surely know how to throw the game for the bookies.

If you keep the old way, just think of the signs that will litter the arenas this year. “Fixed,” “We Was Robbed,” or “Say it Ain’t So.” Change to my way and you’ll see signs like “Mangle Him Kwame!” “Kick Him in the Groin!” “Make Them Pay!”

Now tell me, which way is better? That’s what I thought.

  • http://cokespill.com/english/band/jonny.html joninjapan

    yeah. . that would work

    you know in japan david stern, stu jackson and mitch kupcake would all have resigned by now.. and at least mitch would have killed himself because of the shame in failure haha

  • fatty

    joninjapan

    Add to the group Ronnie Nunn (head of officials), who said last year, that NBA Refs, ‘really don’t make any mistakes’ on his NBA show, Officials 101. Which they should now change the name to “NBA Officials: 10-25 years in Prison” And host the show from Leavenworth Ferderal Prison.

    I don’t think Mitch could actually pull that off. He’s too indecisive. While waiting to commit Sepuku, he would first die of old age. haha

  • http://cokespill.com/english/band/jonny.html joninjapan

    yeah i remember watching that show. . they pick controversial calls that the refs actually get right and then do a show on that.. kinda biased really but oh well

    i wonder what new rule change (or ball change) the stern is going to implement to try to draw the attention away from this?

    i’m betting that he’s planning to make kobe the scapegoat. . somehow haha , , “refs. . call more techs on kobe . . refs? . . anyone there?”

    course not, they;re all in court, testifying

  • fatty

    The Nugget,

    It took me awhile to get your picture. But that is funny. Maybe funny enough to get you a legal letter from the NBA office? haha

  • MILO

    The Nugget, this is hilarious i could already see Kwamy kicking everybody’s a** PUL (pointing up laughing)

  • B.I.E.Lakers

    Funny, at this point the League can try anything… but did you consider this: somebody, just out of malice punch our star player to get him injured enough not to be in the game?really, think about it… my solution is like in football, INSTANT REPLAY!!! the coach has a chance to challenge a call! what do you say to that?

  • http://myspace.com/crunklilgangsta LiL_K

    so Kobe wouldve avg. atleast 40 ppg. if it wasnt for wack refs

  • BEC

    Theres no way to really have to true 50/50 fair game called, refs can be biased, and no ones perfect so things like these can happen. Stern is handling this situation well, because for one, its not his fault tim gambled on those games. Plus, theres not much he can do anyways and taking the “Fire any crooked refs” stance is the best thing he can do.

    The only real way to have a less effect of a ref is to get rid of this BS, wussy “ticky tack” foul crap. Apparently this type of play was to enforce a high scoring fast paced game, but its not exciting when theres a foul called every second. I remember a Laker game where both teams shot over 40 FT in one quarter, ONE QUARTER for god sake, that quarter alone took an hour. A guy dribbles to the right gets “tapped” barely and theres a foul? WTF?! Its bull like that makes me less likely to watch NON-Lakers bball games anymore, its hard to really enjoy the game of basketball with that going on.
    Lets play the “Chick Hearn” way NO HARM NO FOUL.

  • MacBSlick

    LoL Fatty
    Were damned if we do and damned if dont….Unfortunately the human tendencies say me first, which would lead to a WcW style of basketball…Hey could be quite entertaining though! The Mamba vs WMD….Can you imagine going from a $260,000 dollar a year job to a jail cell… Wow maybe Donaghy and Vick will be Bed buddys. Idiots! Should be a fun Season.

  • http://www.lakers.com Ed

    BREAKING NEWS: KOBE WANTS TO BE A LAKER AND HE REALLY NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE!!!!!

  • kobe24mvp

    what happen to that kobe interview with that chick from bspn,supposedly it was gonna be sunday conversation?