Special thanks to John ‘Fatty’ Fatland for writing this take and giving us the privilege to add it to TheLakersNation.com. Again, if you guys see anything Lakers related that you think deserves to be put up, just e-mail us at articles@TheLakersNation.com.
20 more refeeres have gambling problems. Can you believe it?
Stern and the NBA so want this to go away. And now 20 refeeres involved in “gasp” gambling. Will Stern keep his word and fire the crooked, corrupt, and greedy manipulators of the NBA basketball court?
And if he does, where will they find the replacements? That’s a full 1/3 of the reffing corp. I propose he fire all NBA Refs, and start over with an entirely new system.
I suggest the honor system.
Before you belittle my proposal as silly, remember this is the same way its called on playgrounds and gyms throughout the world. Its tried and proven and has worked for years. And only a few people have been killed using this method over what, 70-80 years.
It works this way.
All players who think they committed a foul will raise there hand and say, “My Foul!”
If a player thinks he was fouled, he yells, “You fouled me!”
If no players agree, they both stare at each other, yelling “You fouled me!” “No I didn’t!” “Yes you did!” “No I didn’t, you turkey, I didn’t touch you!” “Then how did I get this cut?”
At this point, a Jerry Springer like guy with a microphone comes onto the court, moderating the exchange and encouraging the crowd to get involved. The crowd decides who is right. The NBA can use this new system to even make more money. Fans watching on TV can call a number and vote for there guy, let’s say for .95 a vote. “Was Kobe fouled? Press 1 for Yes or 2 for No.”
Flagrant fouls will be handled in a similar way, except pre-chosen fans, by ticket drawing, will be allowed to throw chairs onto the floor.
Fights will be allowed between players. Except they will be resolved at center court with all the lights turned off except for appropriate spot lights. This will happen as halftime entertainment.
Violations such as traveling, palming, double dribble, in bound time lapses, etc… will not be called. (The NBA doesn’t call them anyway) So no one will care.
I propose jump balls to be handled in one of two ways. Both players struggle to rip the ball away from each other. A real test of macho strength, (none of this sissy stuff, “Oh, we both touched the ball, so let’s toss it up.”) With the winning player slamming the ball to the ground (like a NFL touchdown demonstration) and yelling “Take that, you sucker!” Or my personal favorite. Refs have no idea how to toss a ball up. The solution, oh this is good. Place the ball on the ground at center court. All the players stand behind the circle center line and when the PA Announcer says Go, they all dive for the ball. Tell me that’s not more fair than the crap they give us now. At least it will be more exciting.
The other solution would be the “Chick Hearn” way. No fouls called at all. “No harm, no foul, no blood, no guts, no death, THEN NO FOUL!!”. He always wanted a free flowing, fast paced game. And free throws slowed it down. That would accomplish that for sure, but we might not have any players left by the end of the game.
Basketball purists will scoff at my idea. But what do they know? Look at the system we have now. Refs decide the outcome, little guys in Zebra costumes who can’t even throw the ball up straight, but surely know how to throw the game for the bookies.
If you keep the old way, just think of the signs that will litter the arenas this year. “Fixed,” “We Was Robbed,” or “Say it Ain’t So.” Change to my way and you’ll see signs like “Mangle Him Kwame!” “Kick Him in the Groin!” “Make Them Pay!”
Now tell me, which way is better? That’s what I thought.