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#741 BasketballIQ

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Posted October 24, 2013 - 08:41 AM

Killa in black

Militant black

sharpen the steel

Steal and get wacked

Im proud of my peeps

a thousand we deep

a bountiful feast

no dealin the crack

just blazin the herb

amazing my words

 a poet, a playa, a patriot, Nerd

I will be blatant

when making my statements

the doubters and haters

can take it and Swerve

 pay them no mind

they wasting they time

they losin they patience

unable to find

a moment or clarity

and so apparently,

no one can care if he

stays or he dies

 

I am the Pharaoh,

You touch my apparel

your mouth on the barrel

I'm hostile and terrible

Killed me a caribou

couple of calfs 

the blood made a puddle

I chuckled and laughed...

 

 

Since you have perjured

its gone be a murder

The Pharaoh will serve ya

I maul you and merk ya

 

Collared and worse

held down submersed

back to the Earth

where u deserve

 

HOOK

To BE

infinite purgatoRYyyy

Haers gon hear the stoRYyyy

Peee-HA-RA-O to the h

ready to tear up the STREEeeTS

Pleaseee boy, I am so GEEeeKed

I am so honest and FREEee

and honesty leads to respect

R.E.S.P.E.C.Teeee

 

 

 

https://soundcloud.c...prod-by-pharaoh


Edited by BasketballIQ, October 24, 2013 - 08:41 AM.


#742 -Wade-

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Posted October 24, 2013 - 08:58 AM

^Feelin' that, good job man! I'll get back at ya guys ;D


Edited by -Wade-, October 24, 2013 - 08:59 AM.

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#743 BasketballIQ

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Posted December 24, 2013 - 03:09 PM

Pharaoh emerge from his slumber
I'm drinking on Henny and smokin on Ganja
The fears that I had as a kid I have conquered
The peers that I had I have pissed on and punished
A sicko and honest / I'm sick to my to stomach.
I'm losing my vision, my hearing is hopeless
The voices I hear are as clear as the ocean

A pill and a potion. A magic concoction.
A wizard and poet. The Mary is Poppin(s)

It's super cali fragilistic, it's far from average
It's cataclysmic

You couldn't fathom in your sad existence
How to split an atom
Never act suspicious.

http://m.soundcloud....und/metamorphic

Edited by BasketballIQ, December 24, 2013 - 03:11 PM.


#744 -Wade-

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Posted December 24, 2013 - 08:52 PM

Pharaoh emerge from his slumber
I'm drinking on Henny and smokin on Ganja
The fears that I had as a kid I have conquered
The peers that I had I have pissed on and punished
A sicko and honest / I'm sick to my to stomach.
I'm losing my vision, my hearing is hopeless
The voices I hear are as clear as the ocean

A pill and a potion. A magic concoction.
A wizard and poet. The Mary is Poppin(s)

It's super cali fragilistic, it's far from average
It's cataclysmic

You couldn't fathom in your sad existence
How to split an atom
Never act suspicious.

http://m.soundcloud....und/metamorphic


Definitely solid bars. These are from metamorphic, correct? That went hard


Edited by -Wade-, December 24, 2013 - 08:58 PM.

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#745 Game

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Posted December 25, 2013 - 09:07 PM

lmao...i have some files saved from an old computer on one of my HDs, and i was going through them and found this rap i recorded on a logitech mic in my room over an instrumental...my friends and i used to do this all the time in college...not seriously or anything, just drinking beers, writing nonsense and recording it

 

https://soundcloud.c...cream5/showtime


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#746 Ham

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 02:26 PM

This my first 16. Constructive criticism is appreciated. keep in mind i wrote in 5 mins.  :laughing:  :laughing:

 

I am a product from the bridge
Nas havoc prodigy
And y'all better Succumb to my energy
All ya [expletive]as still rocking lethargy,
Call me a havoc to the next prodigy
Im tryna get a little bigga,
Let's MOBB on these other [expletive]as
Imma rap circles on ya [expletive]as,
This is part-time, clock in clock out
[expletive] the game up and back the [expletive] out
It's just my start and I know it
I thought I would keep it simple
But I'm about get DEEP in this [expletive]
cause I ain't here here to mingle
These my first lyrics and rhymes
Shout out to King James
This the last judgement, its about damn time.

 

 

I think i did pretty good for my first time in 5 mins 


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#747 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 02:45 PM

Great job on your first 16! Keep writing content that fuels you. In terms of critique, I would work on your syllabification. As you get better, try to incorporate double/triple rhymes into your bars. Here is what I wrote on the subject earlier:

 

 

There are two things you want to take into account.

 

1) Syllables per bar

2) BPM (beats per minute)

 

It's all about a syllable count in pair with the beats per minute on the instrumental. As BasketballIQ stated, somebody can write great stuff, but it might not sound good. This would be because the syllables are out of place, and therefore, there isn't any flow.

 

Bar 1 (12 syllables)

Bar 2 (8 syllables)

Bar 3 (9 syllables)

Bar 4 (5 syllables)

 

Some people rap like that ^, and while they have great written material, you just aren't going to get a flow like that. There needs to be more of a pattern. For instance:

 

Bar 1 (12 syllables)

Bar 2 (8 syllables)

Bar 3 (12 syllables)

Bar 4 (8 syllables)

 

When Eminem gave the example of rhyming "Orange" with "George's door hinge" in an interview, he was able to do so because Eminem breaks up each and every word down into syllables. There is no direct rhyme for orange, but once you break down the word into syllables, you can rhyme it with a lot of things.

 

This brings us to the BPM. A faster BPM, like 120, may be meant for a fast rap, like BTnH. A slower BPM, like 60, may be meant for something slower that is chopped n' screwed. It really depends on what you are going for.

 

Writing rhymes gets more and more advanced as you progress. You start using "multi-rhyme" placeholders within a single bar, so that you are playing with two or more rhyme schemes/patterns between bars. Placement becomes crucial. For example:

 

(1 rhyme scheme/pattern... rhyming "ock-ot"):

But to her shock she was shot up on the block,

she sat up at that spot and recovered from the glock

 

(3 rhyme scheme/pattern... rhyming "oted" AND "ous" AND "ose/less"):

>>Emoted, promoted, enormous, devoted with purpose

Noted, misquoted, amorphous, imported what's worthless

Notice how orange is the third word in each bar, they have the same amount of syllables, and they rhyme. That is one "placeholder," a three syllable word ending in "ous." The above can be represented like this, with variables:

 

X1, X2, Y1, X3, Z1/


X4, X5, Y2, X6, Z2/

 

Your ears will hear the red, orange and green as three separate rhyme patterns, if you will. Some of the greatest lyricists are always using 3-4 rhyme schemes/patterns within their bars, making them content filled and "flow-satisfying" to the ears.

 

This is all Eminem does. Take a look at Bitterphobia:

"Rammed and squooshed, slammed and pushed, crammed and mushed"

 

Rammed, slammed, crammed

Squooshed, pushed, mushed

 

 

But what's right is a chance, not the pain and fables


Seeking light at a glance, calculating angles

 

You want to make sure you have near identical syllable count for each bar, or some sort of pattern (ESPECIALLY for fast rap). Look at Twista. If you count the syllables of each of his bars, they are near identical. It is nearly impossible to fast rap successfully if there is not a pattern amongst syllables.

 

From Twista's song "Mista Tung Twista":

 

 

Pumpin a rhythm, a lyrical styler (10)


My tongue be flingin a funky pile of (10)

Lyrical rhymes that's breakin em off in the mind, I be flowin em holy, I'm (20)

Kickin the funky Islam, my lyricals slippin  like petroleum, slowly I'm (21)

Pumpin the flow of the lyric, I'm breakin em off with the radical texture (20)

 

It's all about syllable count, placement, and practice.


Edited by -Wade-, February 02, 2014 - 02:49 PM.

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#748 Ham

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 02:51 PM

Great job on your first 16! Keep writing content that fuels you. In terms of critique, I would work on your syllabification. As you get better, try to incorporate double/triple rhymes into your bars. Here is what I wrote on the subject earlier:

 

 

Notice how orange is the third word in each bar, they have the same amount of syllables, and they rhyme. That is one "placeholder," a three syllable word ending in "ous." The above can be represented like this, with variables:

 

 

Your ears will hear the red, orange and green as three separate rhyme patterns, if you will. Some of the greatest lyricists are always using 3-4 rhyme schemes/patterns within their bars, making them content filled and "flow-satisfying" to the ears.

 

This is all Eminem does. Take a look at Bitterphobia:

"Rammed and squooshed, slammed and pushed, crammed and mushed"

 

Rammed, slammed, crammed

Squooshed, pushed, mushed

 

 

 

You want to make sure you have near identical syllable count for each bar, or some sort of pattern (ESPECIALLY for fast rap). Look at Twista. If you count the syllables of each of his bars, they are near identical. It is nearly impossible to fast rap successfully if there is not a pattern amongst syllables.

 

From Twista's song "Mista Tung Twista":

 

 

 

It's all about syllable count, placement, and practice.

i didn't focus on syllables more metaphoric schemes imma edit now


Mike D'Antoni is GARBAGE.


#749 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 02:51 PM

i didn't focus on syllables more metaphoric schemes imma edit now

 

Keep at the metaphoric schemes though! That is why Nas is a genius lol. Good job once again


Edited by -Wade-, February 02, 2014 - 02:52 PM.

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#750 Ham

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 03:23 PM

Keep at the metaphoric schemes though! That is why Nas is a genius lol. Good job once again

you were right bout that double/triple rhyming scheme.

i just added some [expletive] and its coming out way more effective.


Mike D'Antoni is GARBAGE.


#751 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 03:26 PM

you were right bout that double/triple rhyming scheme.

i just added some [expletive] and its coming out way more effective.

 

I can't wait to check it out man!


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#752 Majesty

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 03:41 PM

Mary had a Little Lamb whose fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go


Edited by Majesty, February 02, 2014 - 03:41 PM.

"Bryant had come to rage against the idea that Howard's clownish disposition could overtake the locker room, the Lakers' culture, and had warned Howard that he would never, ever let it happen." 


#753 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 03:56 PM

Yo, Majesty

Your rhyme was just a tragedy

I'm sweeter than a cavity

Electric like a battery

My pop filter is a canopy

Can I be?

An emcee

Floating free

Out of boundaries

 

Spitting passion

Values over mansions

I'll co-sign the tangent

I'm opposite of passive

Trigonometrically calculating the range

Biometrically salivating over a blank page


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#754 Majesty

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 04:47 PM

Yo, Majesty

Your rhyme was just a tragedy

I'm sweeter than a cavity

Electric like a battery

My pop filter is a canopy

Can I be?

An emcee

Floating free

Out of boundaries

 

Spitting passion

Values over mansions

I'll co-sign the tangent

I'm opposite of passive

Trigonometrically calculating the range

Biometrically salivating over a blank page

 

 

Well....

The rhyme wasn't mine...
So I guess I'm just reciting...

 

...

Haven't flowed in a while
So I'm partly underwriting

 

...

Wasn't much a bother
Till your diss was auditory - 'sweeter than a cavity'

Is breaching Drake territory

...

You have skills, noncontrastive
Opposite of modern times
You're the opposite of passive
Just with volume shooting rhymes
...

But your flow is truly skillful
and is nothing worth discarding
You're 'Electric like a battery'
So your wordplay needs recharging
....



:bounce: :D 


Edited by Majesty, February 02, 2014 - 04:48 PM.

"Bryant had come to rage against the idea that Howard's clownish disposition could overtake the locker room, the Lakers' culture, and had warned Howard that he would never, ever let it happen." 


#755 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 05:24 PM

Well....

The rhyme wasn't mine...
So I guess I'm just reciting...

 

...

Haven't flowed in a while
So I'm partly underwriting

 

...

Wasn't much a bother
Till your diss was auditory - 'sweeter than a cavity'

Is breaching Drake territory

...

You have skills, noncontrastive
Opposite of modern times
You're the opposite of passive
Just with volume shooting rhymes
...

But your flow is truly skillful
and is nothing worth discarding
You're 'Electric like a battery'
So your wordplay needs recharging
....



:bounce:

 

I've never listened to Drake in my life, I've got real heart/

It's best to watch what is said, that's not real smart/

I've mastered this shi with a passion, it's a real art/

I don't have time for anyone acting patriarch/

I'm actually a patriot axing the oligarchs/

But some don't know their rights, they support the monarch/

 

So who is anyone to accuse me and my territory?/

I straight up run the operations of Walt's laboratory/

If anyone disses me, I'll make them the front page story/

Not because they're skilled, just because it ended gory/

 

I've got five degrees and almost one PHD/

I bet the furthest thing Drake's accomplished is a GED/

My poetry runs the streets, it fills in the concrete/

I'll re-charge the race for spitting so ornery/

 

You wouldn't want to test a King of Spades, named Wade, who packs home made grenades that explode in great arrays/

Y'all need to take a step back, relax, and cipher/

Don't make me bite their head off with the fangs of a viper...


Edited by -Wade-, February 02, 2014 - 05:26 PM.

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#756 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 05:28 PM

Lol I think it would be cool to record a LN cipher sometime. =P


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#757 Majesty

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 05:32 PM

Lol I think it would be cool to record a LN cipher sometime. =P


That would be fun hehe :D Like your rhyme.

I thought you were gonna say "a De-gra-ssi" when it came to Drake instead of GED  :laughing: 

but that was nice :D it'd be fun to cipher, I haven't rhymed seriously since high school though X_X Just a retired poet now lol 


"Bryant had come to rage against the idea that Howard's clownish disposition could overtake the locker room, the Lakers' culture, and had warned Howard that he would never, ever let it happen." 


#758 -Wade-

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 05:35 PM

I thought you were gonna say "a De-gra-ssi" when it came to Drake instead of GED  :laughing:

 

LOL that would've been just as good. Witty idea.

 

Maybe I'll make a thread sometime and see if anyone wants to signup for a LN cipher. That was sincerely fun mini-battling you though lol. Thanks for the joy.


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#759 Majesty

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 05:48 PM

No problem Wade :D 


"Bryant had come to rage against the idea that Howard's clownish disposition could overtake the locker room, the Lakers' culture, and had warned Howard that he would never, ever let it happen." 


#760 David

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Posted February 02, 2014 - 07:58 PM

As I was walking down the street

I saw something on my feet

I looked down to see

And it was a huge bee

 

 

 

To be continued next week.............


KOBE. #VINO. BRYANT.





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