Phil Jackson is approaching his assignment as Western Conference All-Star coach this weekend with all the passion and preparation of your most mediocre substitute teacher.
So it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that he’ll gather his All-Star players for supposed practice, pop in a DVD of the Lakers-Jazz game Wednesday night and announce: “Study this, and maybe we’ll try to run some of the triangle offense in the game Sunday.”
Jackson would then grab his trusty crossword puzzle, sit behind a desk and wait to see who is the first one to ask for all hall pass to use the restroom. (Given his limited ability to focus, I’d guess Phoenix’s Amare Stoudemire.)
If Jackson was the NBA's substitute teacher, this is what his P.E. class might look like in their middle school locker room:
Pau Gasol takes his eyes off the TV screen and notices Chris Paul dishing him a piece of paper. Gasol opens the note and reads it: “I am the godfather of the NBA. I decree that you must come sit next to me right now. – Shaq”
Gasol looks up to see Jackson engrossed in clipping his fingernails and sashays over to O’Neal’s locker.
“Hola, my All-Star amigo,” O’Neal says. “You know I trained him, right?”
“What’s that?” a confused Gasol says.
“Kobe,” O’Neal says. “I trained him. Look at that.”